you're busy taking care of everyone else, who's taking care of you?

It was a Sunday night. Kids off to sleep. My husband and I finally had time together, just the two of us. We got cozy in bed...


...and proceeded to spread all kinds of papers across the covers. Then we opened up our laptops and pulled up the 3 baseball schedules, a track schedule, the list with end-of-the-year school events and our work schedules and we started mapping out the next 2.5 months of our life. (not exactly the hot date night you were thinking I was going to be writing about in this post is it??!!) 


We're not Google Calendar people. We're old-school pen and paper people. Hubby had snagged a calendar at the hardware store and that night we put pen to paper and quickly filled it up. Oh Nelly, did we fill it up.


After pretty much every little daily box was filled in, we looked at it and saw only 3 free weeknights and one open weekend for the next 2.5 months. 


A few years back, this would have sent me right into what Angelle and I call Fight + Flee mode. With stress hormones rushing through my body, wondering when and how to make it all work. Creating all the scenarios...and frankly lots of drama about how insanely busy life is. 

 

Amidst my recent Lyme Disease diagnosis, my energy threshold was pretty low. I wondered would I ever find any me-time in there to take care of myself. I feared spiraling back into that debilitating fatigue that had me "checked out" of life. Not to mention, I love slow savoring connection that feeds our family soul the most...not running around, being plugged in all the time, but instead the unplugged time in nature or in our backyard, fireside, doing "nothing" time.

 

For a couple years, I'd tell myself, “Okay, after this season of X is done, my schedule gets lighter and then I’ll X”. Or “This season is full but in a couple weeks, I see light at the end of the tunnel.”


Even last year around this time, I said it to Angelle...again...and we busted out laughing because there was this light bulb moment as I realized that I had been saying this for years and nothing had changed in my schedule.  


Thankfully, things have shifted for me in other ways. It's been a process and I've had to come to accept that with ages and stages of my kiddos, this might just be my new normal for a bit. Or if I'm being really honest with myself, more likely for the next 10 years or so...


What's changed for me over the years are two key things. Two things we teach women in our Reset:

 

Mindset and Bottom Lines.

 

Mindset changes everything. The way I think about something (i.e. my time) changes the way I experience it. I made a decision to embrace this season. To be present. To be flexible. To see these experiences through my kids' eyes. And to also give myself permission to stay home or arrive late or leave early if I need to. (aka release the expectations of how I'm "supposed" to show up and just do it my way.) 

 

Embracing this season with joy and humor and a shifted mindset has made all the difference for me. 

 

So have my Bottom Lines.

 

In my life, I call them Non-Negotiables. Things I am not willing to negotiate. In the Reset, we call them Bottom LinesIt's essential that I have my Bottom Lines - aka things I am not willing to compromise despite a filled-to-the-brim calendar, at least not on any kind of a regular basis. My current Bottom Lines include: 

  • Nourishing myself and my family with healthy meals and having family dinners together most nights of the week

  • Sitting down to eat my meals

  • Sleeping 8 hours each night

  • Moving my body in a way I enjoy 4+ days a week

  • Connecting with my husband every day, even if it's just for a few minutes and having family-time to play together each week

  • Giving myself downtime when my body is asking for it 

  • Engaging in spiritual practices like reading, prayer, meditation, journaling

 

If I notice I'm compromising any of my Bottom Lines consistently, I take a step back and reassess the situation. I pause. I reflect. I ask myself what’s working and what’s not working.


As women we have so much we are trying to keep up with in our lives. Our calendars are full. Our to-do lists are long. Our phones are always notifying us of some 'urgent' thing. My carpool text chain just for track practice pick-up is hilarious as we Mama's do our best to keep up with it all.


We can feel pulled in all sorts of directions and find ourselves in reaction mode all flippin’ day long.


I love how our mentor Christine Kane puts it: “We are constantly in a state of distraction and reaction.”


React to this. React to that. 


Last week we did a quick FB poll of the women in our private Reset Facebook community asking them: Before your mindset shifted based on all you've learned from us and through The NtF Society and the 14-Day Reset experience, what were you (or are you still) believing and assuming about self-care and what it means to be healthy?


Guess what the number one answer was? 


I'm too busy taking care of everyone else to take care of myself.


{{firstname}}, you can relate, yes???


How can we possibly take care of ourselves on a daily basis with everyone and everything around us always needing a piece of us, right?


Which is why it's not surprising that as women we are struggling to keep up with our lives. With the thousands of women we've already supported in our 14-Day Reset, we see the ways women are trying to just survive...

 

  • Fueling up on caffeine and coffee and sugar to get through the day and wine to wind down at night

  • Dealing with intense cravings that take over their minds and lives

  • Grazing all day but never feeling fully satisfied

  • Experiencing mood swings and energy crashes and brain fog and intense PMS

  • Feeling anxious and overwhelmed day-after-day 

 

The.list.goes.on.

 
I'm imagining that you, like the women who answered our poll, feel like the biggest obstacle to taking care of yourself is that you’re too busy. Too busy taking care of everyone else. Too busy in your schedule. Too busy with your list of to-do's. And maybe you feel stuck because taking care of yourself feels too overwhelming or like “one more thing to do” that you don't have the time for.


I have a question for you. 


What if you're not actually too busy to take care of yourself and we could show you how to do this in the midst of your very full life?


Wouldn't that be a relief? 


What if, with a mindset shift + bottom lines + our 14-day Reset experience, you discover that this is possible for you. And not only that, what if the strategy + support could actually move you out of the distraction and reaction that fuels this belief that you're too busy taking care of others to care for yourself.

 

We know it's possible for you, {{firstname}}, because we see it again and again and again in the women who experience this Reset.

 

Taking care of yourself is about more than hitting the gym or yoga studio every day or getting a mani-pedi each month. We love all of that, but we also know that getting good at self-care, in the midst of a busy life, has a lot to do with your mindset and valuing yourself as much as you value everyone else you take care of, along with setting a few Bottom Lines that support you in caring for yourself while you care for everyone around you.


Is it truly possible to practice small, soulful ways to nourish yourself amidst your full life? It is. 


Come join us and find out what's possible for you.


The last session of the Spring 14-day Reset begins May 19. Registration is open until May 15. Join us.

 

Iain Thomas.png