Do you ever get into an either/or mindset? Either I can go to yoga OR I can go grocery shopping but not both. Either I can go to bed early OR I can watch my favorite show, but not both. Either I can indulge in something sweet OR I can eat healthy, but not both. Either I can drive my kids to their friend’s house OR I can read a few chapters in this novel I’m loving, but not both. You get the idea.
Just this week, this very thing has been what I’ve worked on with three of my coaching clients. I thought it was so interesting that three different women were struggling with this. Plus it’s been surfacing for me too as we’ve been transitioning to our summer rhythm and we try to navigate all of our different agendas and schedules.
What I used to do is go right into an either/or space. I would drop my own plans the minute that someone said, “I need to be at practice at 10.” Or “I need you to help me with this project…that’s due tomorrow.” Or “I can’t pick up the kids now, so I need you too.”
It’s so easy to feel selfish or like you’re a bad mom, wife, friend, daughter, sister, employee or ______________ if you choose to do something FOR yourself instead of for someone else or for some purpose that society rates as more important like work or volunteering at the school book fair or church event.
I started to feel resentful, angry, and wiped out. When I decided to look at this pattern of mine, I realized a few things about myself: I didn’t set clear boundaries with other people or if I did set clear boundaries, I didn’t honor them. I’d commit to going for a walk or doing food prep or getting a massage or getting together with a friend and then someone would ‘need’ something from me and I went right into either/or. Either I can follow through with my commitment to myself OR I can do what the other person needs or wants me to do. Either/Or. It’s a sure path to resentment.
Feeling resentful isn’t fun. Being angry isn’t fun. Feeling wiped out and depleted isn’t fun.
I don’t remember the exact moment but at some point I decided that my life didn’t need to be full of either/or decisions. Instead it could be filled with and/also choices. I can say yes to my self-care and also I can support other people and get other things done.
One of the things I had to learn to be better at, along with honoring my boundaries, was delegating. Letting go of the crazy notion I have to do everything myself. Also letting go of worrying if someone thinks I’m being selfish or lazy. What I know is that when I am taking care of myself everyone benefits and so if I want to go for a walk, sit down to eat a nourishing breakfast, go to yoga, call a friend or whatever it is that fills me up, then that’s good for everyone.
Because I know that my three clients and I are not the only women who struggle with moving from either/or to and/also, I’m inviting you to notice when you toss your plans out the window at a moment’s notice because of someone or something else OR when you don’t even put nourishment and self-care anywhere in your daily plans in the first place. Instead move to an and/also mindset, asking yourself how can I say yes to more pleasure and nourishment in my life and also do other things. Remember to open up your mind to letting go and delegating whenever you can!
In the spirit of moving from either enjoying something sweet or eating healthy this July 4th weekend, we’re offering you a recipe to eat something sweet and also healthy with Chef Jackie’s Yellow Snack Cake topped with delicious fresh berries. Enjoy.
(Plus you can eat delicious food AND ALSO eat healthy. Click HERE to make your life easier starting today with Chef Jackie's 12-Week Summer Menu Plan - it's on a FLASH SALE through July 4th at midnight!)
Yellow Snack Cake
Servings: 12 cup cakes or 1 9-inch cake
Preparation Time: 5 minutes
Cook Time: 25-30 minutes
Total Time: 30-35 minutes
• 3/4 cup coconut flour (Friendly Fat)
• 3/4 tsp. baking soda
• 1/8 tsp. unrefined sea salt
• 3/4 cup Coconut Palm Sugar or Monk Fruit Sugar
• 6 T. butter or coconut oil, melted (Friendly Fat)
• 3 eggs (Powerful Protein, Friendly Fat)
• 1 cup almond milk or coconut milk
• 1 T. pure vanilla extract
• 1/2 teaspoon apple cider vinegar
1. Preheat oven to 350°. Line a 9-inch cake pan with parchment and then grease with oil or butter or fill 12 cupcake cavities with paper cups.
2. In a medium bowl combine coconut flour, baking soda, salt and sugar. Add remaining ingredients and mix into a batter.
3. Pour or scoop batter into prepared pan. If necessary, smooth with a rubber spatula.
4. Bake 25-30 minutes until cake is golden brown and a tooth pick inserted in the center comes out clean. DO NOT OVER BAKE.
5. Remove from oven and cool.
6. Top with fresh berries, whole and/or blended. Also tastes great with whipped cream made from organic cream or coconut milk.
*If monk fruit sugar is new to you, you can read about Angelle's favorite brand HERE.